Saturday, October 23, 2010

It's going to be a long night...

I woke up this morning pretty early. Even before Aidan was up. I wanted to be ready for him with a fresh bottle and I also wanted time to shower and dress before he got up. Aidan goes on a visit today with his first Mom. He has all day visits now on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. This has been going on for about a month and a half. But today his visit will not be over at 7pm tonight...this time he will spend the night with her.

I didn't think this would be so hard. But Aidan has been here with me for just under six months now. Tomorrow morning will be the first time in all that time that I will wake up without him. And I am feeling a little melancholy. We still do not know exactly how this will all work out. His first Mom is on her meds, she has completed all of the tasks that the agency has asked her to do. She is nice and appropriate when we meet with her to exchange Aidan for his visits. There is really no reason for me to even think that this will not progress to Aidan eventually returning home with his first mom. Except that he is her third child and she does not have custody of the other two. She has not been stable enough to even hold down a job in the last 10 years. History is the reason we really don't know how this will turn out.

I spend a lot of time praying about this. Asking God to watch over him while he is away from us. Asking for peace of mind and peace in my heart so I will be able to be happy for the first mom, and not devastated for me. I am a big girl, I know what it takes to keep care of another persons child while they get their life together, get better, become the mother that Aidan needs her to be. I ask God to give the first mom courage to keep going, and the wisdom to ask for the help she needs, and the strength to do the right things for him. I am blessed by being Aidan's other mom. My other children love him too. They pray with me, they like first mom, she is very nice to them. Aidan is already 10 months old, I just hope if he is going to return home, that it happens soon, so it won't be such a hard transition for him. First mom and I have discussed staying in touch if that should happen. We have also discussed her relinquishing him to me. I keep telling her she must make that decision with God's help. My knees are getting sore!

So today we had a fun breakfast of McDonald's breakfast sandwiches, grapes and orange juice. Randy joined us and then headed up to Lawrence for the weekend. The girls are outside playing and riding bicycles right now. I will be working on laundry and sewing.

We don't have any big plans for this weekend. Next weekend we have so many committments I don't know how we will keep them all. But for now I will have a relaxing weekend. I am trying to sew 3 skirts for each of my daughters. They have shown quite an interest in changing their wardrobe over to just skirts and dresses. I would love to accomodate them, I just need to get these skirts done and then we will have enough to get through a whole week in skirts and dresses. I will keep the pants just in case, since Katy and Madyson are always so clod, I cna't imagine how they will get by in a skirt on one of our really cold winter mornings. I will post pictures later of the skirts I actually get done.

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